I’ve been taught that when I am faced with a difficult situation, or when things don’t turn out as I would have liked, to ask myself, “What lesson am I supposed to learn from this?” Since losing Michael it feels almost like a mantra….
There have been many lessons to learn and a particularly difficult one began right from his diagnosis: accepting help from others. We all like to think we are capable, strong, organized… you know, all those things that keep our egos alive and well. Nothing knocks those illusions down faster than having a sick child. All of a sudden you need help with carpool, getting dinner on the table, walking the dog…. it’s all so humbling. Personally, I want to be the one whipping up a casserole and delivering it to the neighbor; not the one eating it! That was hard, but necessary and gratitude quickly replaced that resistance.
Now dinner isn’t the issue, but I’m still getting help. ALL THE TIME. It’s still humbling and I’d like to think I’m getting better at accepting it with all the practice I’ve been getting.
Take Kacie for example, Kacie is a lovely 8th grader in our town who has a passion for dance and for service.
She decided to host a dance-a-thon for Swifty to raise money for children with cancer. She and her family worked their tails off locating a venue, decorating, finding dancers to participate, getting donations, the list goes on and on. The event was a great success and raised almost $3,500! Now Kacie is asking for donations to Swifty at her bat mitzvah and her family is hosting a garage sale and giving the proceeds to…. you guessed it, Swifty! Wow, right?
I’m overwhelmed with gratitude to Kacie and her family and the people who have supported her efforts. It honestly brings me to tears every time someone says they have a fundraiser idea for Swifty. Every time, and for a couple reasons.
One, because I’m reminded each time how good, kind and generous people are and that fills my heart with happy tears.
Two, I cry because it brings Michael’s journey right smack in front of me and that still brings tears. But also I think I cry because I have to once again put down my “I can carry this alone” banner and accept the help being so lovingly offered, and it’s such a damn RELIEF! Oh, good, help is here, Thank God!
See what I mean about learning lessons? Accepting help is teaching me humility, acceptance of my limitations, the joy of working together and the depths of other’s generosity. So much to learn… and this student is ready.
